Why Shardik the Bear Really Went Senile

Roland of Gilead Right About Mayonnaise

Midworld, Wednesday – It all starts with this: Roland Deschain of Gilead might be right that mayonnaise is nothing but a thick, goobery semen sauce.

The gunslinger ordered a sandwich “with lots of mayo, whatever that is. I’d want a sauce that didn’t look quite so much like come, myself, but may it do ya fine.”

As it turns out, Roland didn’t need to know the science behind the taste, color, texture, and consistency of mayonnaise to understand its principal appeal.

This photo needs no caption.
Except that one above this one.
And that one above this one.
And that.
And that.
And that.
And that.
And that.

The Can Toi

However, Can Toi breakers may have confirmed Roland’s theory as fact. In a rare press release from the Trans Corporation, the breakers have announced that mayonnaise is actually comprised of 3/5 come. Whether or not this was true before, the breakers are at times reportedly able to bend reality to their will. And besides: once you think it, it’s hard to unthink it.

However, there was more to this press release than just grossing Midworld out.

A Half Can-Toi, Half Duckling Monstrosity

The Breakers Break Shardik…Bearly

Design 4 Guardian
Serial Number AA 24123 CX 755431297 L 14
Type/Species: Bear
NR Subnuclear Cells Must Not Be Replaced NR

Upon hearing this news, Shardik the bear, serial number AA 24123 CX 755431297 L 14 , remembered scarfing down a tooter sandich with mayo several centuries ago. That was when he started going senile, and sneezing nasty white mucous; that was also when the breakers won their first major victory toward their ultimate goal of breaking the beam.

Shardik the Teddy Bear, Soon to Be Available at Hot Topic, Wal Mart, and Spencers. Maggots Not Included.
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